


Up & At 'Em

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon, Crossover, Drama, Episode Related, Parody, Romance, Spoilers, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-17
Updated: 2004-06-17
Packaged: 2018-12-27 10:24:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12079173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Sometimes, Brian thinks that his life would have been much easier had his best friend and current lover never met. Spoilers through 410.





	Up & At 'Em

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Dedicated to tribe2003, who seems to be taking "'no' means 'yes'" lessons from spaggel.

* * *

Sometimes, Brian is relieved that Justin is such a smart kid, that he can read between the lines - his lines - so well and cut through the Brian Kinney bullshit and figure out what's really going on.

Sometimes, he's glad that Justin found out the secret he's been tearing himself up over, because now, at least, he has the reassurance from his family and friends that nothing has changed, that he's still part of the group, that he's still, as Mikey told him after he tried to off himself on Justin's Prom night, "young" and "beautiful". Sometimes, he thinks that what happened afterwards - Justin being bashed, the whole fiddler saga, his being afflicted with ball cancer - are all consequences of that one little mistake, if his mother's Catholic credos about eternal damnation and the afterlife are to have any validity. His mom would probably even justify it all by saying that it helps to take him down a notch - pride *is* one of the seven sins, after all, and Brian and Jack Kinney both have (had, in his dear old dad's case) it in spades.

And sometimes, Brian thinks that his life would have been much easier had his best friend and current lover never met. Or at least, that they had remained mortal enemies, eternally engaged in a battle of love, life, and him. But now that some Hollywood hot-shot wanted to turn their creation into a movie, now that they both had solid relationships to compare notes on, there was less battle and more babble. They could hold entire conversations that had nothing to do with Brian, even - emphasis on "could". If they chose to exercise this stunning mutual ability 24/7, Brian would never have incurred such vastly homicidal thoughts about his best friend and his best (and longest) fuck. Or at least, probably never.

It is apparently Justin who initiates these gratuitous Brian-gossip sessions, even if Michael is guilty by association, since he is only too receptive to Justin's queries. "Did you know that Brian has cancer?" is only the first time that the conversation comes full-circle; Brian suspects there have been others in the same vein, however. 

And while he's smug that, after all this time, he still ranks up there enough in other people's lives to warrant talking about him amongst themselves, this particular conversation behind cupped hands leaves Brian feeling very uneasy. He's not only a secret that Michael and Justin share, he's a joke: the mighty Brian Kinney, stricken by ball cancer. Superman has just been waylaid by a heavy dose of kryptonite. 

So Brian does the only thing befitting a successful advertising executive in his mid -- early! -- thirties, and that is to queen out; he kicks Justin to the curb and bangs his head against the wall a bit after Michael smokes his last joint and bursts out into tears after Brian takes an ill-fated and drug-induced trip down Memory Lane. Neither action helps much, because Justin finds his way back into Brian's loft and life, and Michael tells Brian off for being an asshole to him in the first place. Back to squaer one, he thinks, except this time, it's devoid of his thinly-veiled attempt to keep his cancerous balls off of everyone else's radar.

But Justin and Michel still talk about Brian, even after the not-so-favorable results that such an activity elicited before. In fact, Justin can't seem to keep his mouth shut around Michael - it used to be that they could barely manage niceties like "pass the butter" at dinner parties at Deb's house, and now they were practically grade school buddies. Brian largely suspects it is Michael's natural regression towards his elementary years, now that he's raising a sixteen-year-old rent-boy, coupled with latent and unforseen effects of Justin's brain damage from the bashing. Perhaps the boy just doesn't realize what he's doing until it's too late (meaning, until Michael blurts whatever-it-is out to Brian). 

This, it seems, is inevitable. Michael may make a conscious effort to sit on his hands and play innocent, but after ten minutes or so of mundane talk about Ben's latest book or some new ad campaign that Brian is creating, Michael just can't take it anymore. "So Ben and I haven't been having much sex lately," he comments idly, glancing at his best friend to gauge his reaction. As usual, Brian has a fabulous poker face and reveals nothing, except, perhaps, vague curiosity. 

"Yeah?" Brian finally says, puffing on his cigar, figuring that the hole the doctors will have to cut into his throat to speak when he gets lung cancer from smoking can't be nearly as detrimental as the fact that he's missing a nut.

"Yeah," Michael repeats, and presses on, seemingly unfazed. "But I'm sure," he continues, "you can relate," and Brian decides he doesn't like where this is going at all. 

"I mean," Michael says, unaware of the fact that Brian's nostrils are flaring a bit, now, "since you've been having, you know, erectile problems and all."

Brian is silent as he contemplates whether to kill Justin or Michael first. Justin's death will be ultimately more detrimental since he's pretty sure ghosts don't give good head, but if Michael's left to live, he might have a chance to tell someone before Brian can do the deed, so to speak. And speaking of speaking, Brian realizes that Michael still is.

"-- and I know Justin said you're usually harder than Chinese algebra and twice as long, besides, but ... sometimes a man needs to know when to ask for help, isn't that what you've always said?" Michael prattles. With that, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out, as Brian dreads that he will, a small bottle of Viagra.

Brian wonders, then, why religious nuts are so against suicide. Surely offing yourself has to be less painful than being outed as someone's limp-dicked charity case. He wonders if he still has that white scarf.

Later that night, Brian hear the familiar thudding sound of his loft door sliding into place, followed by approaching footsteps. "Hi, honey, I'm home," Justin says cheerfully, but stops dead in his tracks as he catches sight of his impotent lover. "Bri - Brian?" he chokes in disbelief. "Why are you holding a baseball bat?" 

"You told Michael I needed Viagra?!" Brian rages. He raises the bat and Justin flinches as his lover brings it down atop said Viagra; the plastic bottle breaks easily under the applied pressure, and erectile supplements scatter in every direction.

"Brian, please, I was only trying to help!" Justin cries as his bat-wielding boyfriend does a rather stunning impression of Donkey Kong. Video game junkie though he is, Justin fears for his safety too much to contemplate the eerie similarities between Brian and a pissed-off gorilla for too long. Leaving "Titanic" and "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" - his latest (and rather ironic, given the circumstances) acquirements from the video store - on the counter, Justin maneuvers towards the door.

"I'm just going to, ah, give you some time to cool down," Justin says lamely. He barely misses being beaned in the head - again - with the bat as Brian chucks it in his general direction. 


End file.
